Heart Ache
by HR always live on
Summary: Set 5 years post Cotterdam. Mani is trying to find out where the uranium is, from either Harry or Ruth, using every method of persuasion he can think of. Including harming her child. Ch 12 and 13 are M rated.
1. Chapter 1

**Time for a new story! Set about five years after Cotterdam. It's probably going to be depressing though, fair warning...**

* * *

Harry opened his eyes, pain throbbing at the back of his head from a blow that he only dimly remembered. He raised his hand to feel the damage and then saw his wrists were tied in front of him. He surveyed the room he was in at the same time as he remembered being passed over like livestock to a group of Indian agents who refused to even speak to him. He was alone, but he didn't fool himself that he wasn't being watched. It seemed like a basement type room, empty with concrete walls and floor but there was a high window too. And daylight was streaming in too, so he wasn't underground.

Suddenly the door opened and Harry watched as a suited man appeared, walking towards him. As he came into view, Harry recognised him. Mani Singh. "Good, you're awake," he said, sitting down in a chair opposite him.

"Was it necessary to hit me over the head and knock me out?"

"I didn't want a struggle," he said. "Do you know why you're here?"

"Why don't you enlighten me?"

"You took something from Baghdad. And then lied about where it was."

"So this is about the uranium."

"Yes," Mani said. "You didn't play by the rules."

"I didn't want it to fall into the hands of terrorists," Harry said honestly. "I'd rather save thousands of innocents from dying than simply than do things strictly by the book."

"I'm a civilised man," Mani said. "And I realise that you are very high up in MI5, and that you have passed every anti interrogation measure possible. I'm not a fool, so I'm not going to waste time. There is someone else who knows what I want."

"She's dead," Harry said as ice filled her heart. If he got to her… "You can't touch her."

"I don't believe you," Mani said. "I think, she's alive and well, and living in the south of France."

Harry didn't know where she was currently living, so he didn't know if he should say she was there, or push him off of the track. But if Mani knew where Ruth was… She was in terrible danger. So instead, he tried not to focus on her location. "She doesn't know."

"I think she does," Mani said softly. "Even if I'm wrong, I think having her here might… persuade you into being more loquacious."

No, he couldn't hurt Ruth, Harry thought. He couldn't. If he found her… Mani got up suddenly, the scratch of the chair on the floor making Harry jump. Soon he was alone, with nothing but his fears to comfort him.

* * *

The blindfold had been tied too tightly around Ruth's head. The beginnings of a headache were starting to take up her concentration. She had no idea where she was, all she knew was that she sat in a car, moving to some unknown destination. Although she guessed it was in England. They hadn't been on the private helicopter long enough to be anywhere further away, and she could think of no other place which would require her to be blindfolded.

She could cope with the blindfold, what she couldn't cope with was the fact her daughter had been taken away from her. She had no idea where her four year old child was, and it filled her with more terror than she could put into words. God, she hoped she was all right. Safe. Even though she probably felt more fear than ever before in her short life. Laura must be so frightened.

The car braked suddenly and Ruth could hear the spray of gravel outside. The door opened, letting cold air into the car so Ruth shivered. "Where's my daughter?" she asked as she was forcefully pulled out of the car.

"Walk or be dragged," an accented voice said, a hand on her elbow. Her hands were tied in front of her so she had little choice but to follow. She thought the voice was maybe Indian. Possibly Sri Lankan? As she walked she tried again.

"I need to know where my daughter is," Ruth said. "You will not get anything from me until I've seen my daughter."

"Shut up." Yes, definitely an Indian voice she surmised. "Stairs." Ruth climbed them clumsily. When she got to the top a door opened and her blindfold was roughly removed. She blinked at the sudden light after hours of darkness. Forcefully lead into a room, she saw Harry, and her heart almost stopped. He looked almost defeated and… lost. She sat in the chair, her eyes never leaving his, and the seconds felt like minutes. There were noises behind her as the men left and Mani came back in.

"Well hello Ruth," he said.

"Where is my daughter?"

Harry didn't move an inch or say anything but she felt his surprise coming off of him, as surely as if he'd shouted.

"She's safe."

"I'm not going to say anything at all until I know where she is and that she's not being mistreated in any way," Ruth said firmly.

"I'll be back with a laptop," he said, an inane, annoying smile on his face. He left the room and suddenly she and Harry were alone for the first time in five years.

"Your daughter?" he asked.

"Laura," Ruth said. "She must be so frightened."

"How old is she?" Harry asked, his hazel eyes on fire.

"That's not the question you want to ask me," Ruth said firmly, not averting her eyes even once from him. She looked over the lines of his face, slightly deeper than the last time she'd seen him. But he was still Harry. Still the man she'd thought about every single day. Still the man who she saw in her daughter when Laura smiled. Or when her brown eyes sparkled with laughter, so like her fathers.

It took a little time for Harry to voice the question, but he became brave enough to do it. "Is she mine?"

Ruth looked at him, feeling unaccountably guilty.

"Yes."


	2. Chapter 2

The silence between them was screamingly loud. Ruth felt guilty, and she didn't know why. She had done nothing wrong here, only tried to provide the best home for her daughter that she could in bad circumstances. "Why did you never tell me?"

"I didn't want her in danger," Ruth said honestly. "I thought… I wanted to avoid… _this_."

"Ruth…"

"I wanted to tell you," she said. "I wanted to jump on a plane and come back to London when I found out…"

"When did you find out?"

"I was in Paris," she said. "No. I didn't know I was pregnant before Cotterdam if that's what you mean."

"I… I did mean that," he said quietly, embarrassed that he'd thought that little of her. "I just… it's a shock," he said simply.

"I know," she said. "I'm sorry. I should have tried to tell you. I wanted to keep her safe."

Harry was silent for a moment, trying to absorb this massive piece of news. "How

is she? What's she like?"

"Laura," Ruth said. "Long blonde hair which she refuses to let me cut. Your eyes. Chatty, vibrant, gorgeous. She likes home made chocolate chip cookies. She's going to be a massive reader when she gets a bit bigger, always making me read her a bedtime story."

"Like mother, like daughter," he said, his eyes unimaginably sad. "How much of her life have I missed? I've missed… her first words, her first steps. Oh God…" He closed his eyes as the enormity of this news crashed over him. He had a child. A four year old daughter he'd never seen. Who was now in danger. "Ruth…"

He was interrupted by the door opening and Mani coming back in, a laptop under his arm. No one spoke at all while he set the computer up. Very soon a grainy black and white CCTV image came up. Ruth watched, breathless as the inside of a house came up. Laura was sitting at the kitchen table, a colouring book in front of her and a look of intense focus on her face. Ruth sighed with relief. Laura wouldn't look up when she was colouring, she tried so hard to stay within the lines and she was getting better at it. There was a glass of orange juice next to her so Ruth guessed she was okay for the time being.

Ruth turned to Harry, watching his daughter for the very first time. He was masking his emotions from Mani, but Ruth knew him well enough to see a muscle twitching in his jaw. He was angry that they had his daughter, she could see that from his eyes. Angry that Laura was in danger.

"Oh God," Ruth said. "What do you want?"

"Where's the uranium?" Mani asked.

"What uranium?" Ruth asked. In the concern for her daughter she couldn't remember the Baghdad operation. It wasn't at the forefront of her mind at present.

"You and Harry went to Iraq, oh, must be six years ago now." Ruth's memory had been jarred and she knew what he wanted. Weapons grade uranium. Oh God. And if she didn't give him what he wanted, he'd hurt her child. Maybe even kill her. Dear God she couldn't cope with this. "Now, tell me what I want to know. Or I will kill the child."

"That little girl has done nothing wrong," Harry said because he knew Ruth was too emotional to speak. "You kill her and then what? You think a dead body will make either one of us talk?"

"No," he said. "I think the very real threat will make you talk. Ruth at least, because she will not hurt her daughter. Will you Ruth?"

"Why?" Ruth asked breathlessly. "Why are you threatening to hurt an innocent child?"

"Because it's a method which I believe will work the most quickly," Mani said. "I was curious though. Is this girl yours Harry? I remember the talk about you two years ago, when Ruth was still in Thames House. You two had a strong connection, and the girl is four. Is she yours Harry?"

"I've never seen that child before," Harry said, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice. Ruth knew why he said that but it still hurt to hear that bald truth. She'd hated that Harry had never known their daughter, and hearing him say that was salt in the wound.

"Harry I can't," Ruth said quietly. "I can't sit here while she's being hurt." Turning to Mani, she asked, "How do I know that once I've told you she'll be safe?"

"I keep my word."

"Forgive me for not believing the word of a man who kidnaps children and threatens to murder them," Ruth said. "I'm sorry but I need more than your word."

"What would you like me to do?" Mani asked. "She's perfectly safe and happy where she is now."

"I want one of my friends with her," Ruth said. "So when I keep my word, she can be taken out of your psychotic care."

Harry now saw what she was trying to do, and marvelled at her ability to think straight when their daughter was being threatened with imminent death. Because he couldn't think straight, and he'd never even met the girl. But Laura was his daughter.

"I suppose that's a fair request," Mani said grudgingly. "Who?"

Ruth looked at Harry, suddenly at a loss. He spoke first. "Malcolm Wynn Jones."

"One of your little MI5 friends I take it," Mani said with a grin. If I'm double crossed he will be as dead as your child."

"Fine," Ruth said, hoping that she hadn't just signed Malcolm's death warrant as well as Laura's.

* * *

**I have at least decided what I'm going to do now. Thank you for the enthusiasm for the first chapter, more soon.**


	3. Chapter 3

"So, as requested Malcolm is at the safe house with Laura," Mani said less than an hour later. Ruth knew he was telling the truth as the camera on the laptop screen showed Malcolm sitting with her child. "Where is it?"

"Norfolk," Ruth said quietly. "A bomb shelter used in the cold war years." She hated that she'd been manipulated into telling a terrorist the location of a weapon.

"Oh Harry," Mani said. "Liar by trade, liar by nature. You didn't even trust her with the truth? Do you trust anyone?"

"I was trying to protect her," Harry said, seeing the hurt look on her face. "Trying to make sure she couldn't be tortured by people like you." The venom in his voice was clear.

"So now I have to deal with you," Mani said. "Where is it Harry? I'm a serious man, and I need to know. Where is it?"

"Harry please," Ruth said desperately. "I can't have her hurt. Please."

"Listen to her," Mani said, his voice soft as Ruth's eyes filled with tears.

"Oh God," she said under her breath. "Please."

"Get me a map of the UK and a ruler," Harry said through gritted teeth. Mani smiled pleasantly and vanished for a moment.

"Please don't let them hurt her," Ruth begged when they were alone.

"I'm not going to," he said, shaking his head. "I can't. I've done… nothing for her in her entire life. I'm not going to have her hurt on my account now. I'm going to tell him the truth."

"It'll be the end of your career."

"Not my main concern right now," Harry said. Ruth nodded and wiped her eyes even though her hands were tied. "Whatever else I am, I wouldn't hurt my child. I couldn't."

"Thank you," she said, shaking slightly. "She's a good girl."

"I want to meet her," Harry said firmly. "When this is all over."

"Yes," Ruth said. She actually managed a smile. "She knows her dad lives in London."

"Really?"

"I talk about you." Ruth shrugged. "Just general things. Like you love her and want to see her."

"Both of those are true," Harry said forcefully. Ruth smiled, even though her eyes were still watering. "How has your life been?"

"Hard," Ruth said. "I love Laura and wouldn't give her back for the world, but its been hard."

"I'm sorry for that Ruth," he said sincerely. She nodded, grateful for that. She knew he'd never planned what happened to her, and hated her going. If he'd known she was pregnant, he would never have let her go in the first place. The door was thrown open and they both turned to see Mani come back in, a gun pointing directly at them. Ruth felt her heart stop.

"It seems your little friends have found out where you are," Mani said.

"Are you surprised by the efficiency of MI5?" Harry asked, in a calm voice, even though he hated the glint in Mani's eye and the way he was pointing the gun at Ruth.

"Unbelievable. My friends have sold me out to save their own skins." Mani shook his head. "Trust. Such a hard thing to come by." He stood in the middle of the room, looking at them both as if deciding who to aim at. Much to Harry's horror he seemed to choose Ruth. Then a lot of things happened at once. The door burst open, Ros and Lucas ran in, and half a dozen gunshots rang out at once.

Harry saw Mani fall, obviously dead and then, in slow motion he saw Ruth's hand go to her chest as she crumpled to the floor. "Ruth!" He ran to her as she fell on the floor, the blood bright red and wet. He tried to hold her but his hands were tied. "Get these off of me!" he shouted. Ros cut him free while Lucas quickly called for an ambulance. Harry looked at her body and saw blood coming from two places. She'd been shot twice. He put one hand on each of her wounds, applying pressure as she moaned quietly.

"Laura?" she breathed. "Laura, is she all right?!"

"She's great," Ros said. "Jo's with her and Malcolm right now. She's perfectly fine."

"Oh good," Ruth said, letting her breath out in one huge burst.

"You are not dying on me," Harry said. "Do you hear me?"

"God Harry, I have a bullet in my chest," she said, her eyes flickering closed for a moment. "I'm probably not going to get out of this."

"You are," he said, unable to accept any other outcome.

"Harry, I need you… to look after Laura," she breathed.

"Ruth…"

"I don't have the time to argue with you," she said. "Please."

"I will," he said. "But don't let go do you hear me? Don't stop fighting."

"Okay," she said, her voice faint. "In my house in France… my flat… there's a box under my sink in the kitchen cupboard… It's for you."

"What is it?" Harry asked, curiosity getting the better of him, in spite of the dire circumstances.

"Letters to you… that I never sent. I'm sorry," she said.

"How far away is that ambulance?" Harry asked desperately.

"Not far," Lucas said. "A couple of minutes at most."

"Good." He turned back to Ruth, her breathing very laboured and he knew she must be in pain. Two gunshots? What were the odds of surviving that?

"Harry, when Laura… grows up, tell her… that I love her. And I'm proud of her."

"Tell her yourself," Harry said firmly. "You're going to be all right, I promise."

"Harry…" Her breathing was very ragged, and fear gripped him like never before. "I… I'm sorry. I love you Harry. I should have… said it earlier. Before." She closed her eyes.

"No! Don't you dare!" Harry said. He couldn't move his hands to feel for a pulse, but Ros did instead.

"She's still here," Ros said unhelpfully. Suddenly paramedics came in and hurried over to Ruth, Harry was almost in hysterics. One of the paramedics put pressure on her wounds, moving him aside. All he could do was watch and try to breathe while they tried to save her life.

* * *

**I bet you hate me now. Sorry...**


	4. Chapter 4

Harry sat in the waiting room, his hands stiffly curved into fists as he waited for news. News on whether Ruth was alive or lying in the morgue. As soon as she'd got to the hospital they'd taken her into emergency surgery. They hadn't even asked if he was family. The terror and fear on his face made it clear enough that Ruth was important to him. No one was with Harry, and no one had told him what was going on with Ruth. He'd left Laura with Malcolm, simply because he couldn't introduce himself to his daughter when he was this distraught and tell her that her mother was dead. Plus according to him, the girl hadn't been able to stop talking and was getting on well with Malcolm.

Which is why it was a surprise when Malcolm walked into the hospital, clearly looking at Harry. "What? Why are you here?" he said, his voice cracking.

"You need someone to be with you," Malcolm said. "Laura's safe."

"Where is she?"

"Jo's looking after her," Malcolm said. "She took her to see the lights on the London eye. Laura couldn't look away. She's asleep right now on Jo's sofa. She's comfortable."

"Good," Harry said distractedly. "That's good." Malcolm sat down next to Harry, saying nothing. "God, I know it sounds like I don't care about her," Harry said. "I do. But I can't see her and tell her that I'm her father and her mother might be dying right now. I can't meet her like this. She'll probably hate me anyway."

"I understand," Malcolm said quietly. He was in no condition to meet his four year old daughter, everyone knew that. Which is why Jo was more than willing to look after her, telling Laura she was an old friend of her mothers. "Wash your hands."

"What?" Harry asked. Malcolm nodded downwards and Harry saw his palms were covered in Ruth's dried blood, making his hands stiff. He hadn't even noticed, and he still had blood on his shirt. "Will you…?"

"I'll wait right here," Malcolm said surely. Harry nodded and walked off, staggering, looking like he was drunk rather than emotionally drained. He waited for more than twenty minutes for Harry to return, and Malcolm guessed he was letting himself fall apart in the bathroom. When Harry came back his eyes were red rimmed from crying and he looked awful. Like he hadn't ate or slept in weeks. He sat down in silence.

"Malcolm, what if she…"

"She won't," Malcolm said.

"She was shot in the chest and the stomach," Harry said simply. "It's a miracle she was still alive when the ambulance came. "What if… she doesn't make it?"

"You will deal with that, when and if it happens," Malcolm said calmly. "But you're forgetting how strong Ruth is."

"True," Harry said. "Come on, she's been in surgery for hours."

"Which means she isn't dead," Malcolm reminded him. "If she were dead, they wouldn't still be operating on her."

"Yeah," Harry said. "Yes, you're right." So he sat there, waiting. Minute by minute, hour by hour. Until someone would bring him some news.

* * *

Harry hadn't been sleeping, but he had leaned back and stared into space, trying to save his energy when two surgeons approached him. "Just tell me she's all right," Harry said, sitting up. "I need to know she's okay. Please." Malcolm had stirred at the voices, and looked up at the surgeons who were still quiet. "No. Don't tell me… she's dead, you can't tell me that."

"She's alive," the younger one said. Harry let out his breath in pure relief. But Malcolm realised there was something they weren't telling them.

"What aren't you saying?" Malcolm asked. Harry looked at his friend and then back at the doctors. Their faces were grim.

"Okay, one of the bullets was dangerously near the aorta," the doctor started. "Obviously we had to remove it, but when we did she flat lined. We thought we'd lost her, but somehow we managed to get her heart beating again."

"That's good right?" Harry said. "Getting her back."

"Well, yes it is," the doctor said. "But her brain went without oxygen for several minutes. She is now in a coma. And… it's unlikely that she will ever recover from it."

"You're… I don't understand," Harry said, slowly, his brain not putting the dots together. "You're saying… that she isn't going to wake up?"

"Yes."

"Oh my God," Harry whispered, closing his eyes in horror. "She's… she's never going to recover?"

"There's a chance she might wake up," the doctor said. "We've done an MRI which shows minimal brain activity. It's not nothing, so there is a slim chance. But I don't want you to get your hopes up."

"Oh my God." Harry heard a roaring in his ears as the words started to permeate his brain. "I want to see her," he said, struggling to get the words to his mouth as tears filled his eyes. "I _need_ to see her."

"Follow me." Harry did, his brain sluggishly working. He couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that they were telling him she would never wake up. She would be in a coma for the rest of her life? No. Not his Ruth. Never. The doctor opened the door and Harry saw Ruth lying on her hospital bed, a tube down her throat. She looked like she was sleeping.

"Oh Ruth," Harry said, his voice breaking. She looked so small. "How can you say she's not going to wake up?" Harry said, sitting down next to her. He grabbed her hand and held it gently. She was warm to the touch. It seemed wrong that he could be told so callously that she was never going to awake, that he'd never see her smile again.

"There's always a chance," the doctor said. "I'm so sorry."

"No," Harry said softly. "You can't talk about her like that. Like she's dead and gone. She's not, she's here."

"I understand this is difficult…"

"Go away," Harry said calmly, looking at Ruth's face. "I don't need you to tell me… Just go away. Please." The doctor nodded and quietly closed the door behind him. Harry sat, alone with Ruth. There was a quiet regular beep on the machine to her right, recording her heartbeat. That was the only reassuring thing in the room.

"Come on Ruth, prove them wrong," Harry said quietly. "I know you. I know you're stronger than they believe. Wake up." Nothing. Harry kept his grip on her hand as he fell to pieces, crying over Ruth, lying simply in that small bed as if dead.

He was almost unaware of himself when the door opened, what must have been hours later. Daylight was now streaming through Ruth's window. He saw Malcolm there. "Harry, you have to go," he said quietly.

"I can't," he said, looking at Ruth's blank face. "I can't leave her."

"Laura needs you," Malcolm said. "She needs someone to care for her Harry. She needs someone to love her."

"I've never even met her," Harry said quietly. "She doesn't know I exist. And the first time I meet her and I'm going to have to tell her… tell her that her mother… isn't going to wake up? She'll hate me."

"She's four," Malcolm said. "Four year olds don't hate anyone, except other children that steal their chocolate." Harry let his mouth turn up in a slight smile.

"I don't want to leave her. What if she wakes up? Or worse, what if she dies? What if she dies and I'm not here?"

"I'll stay with her," Malcolm said. "If you want to be sure someone's with her. I'll stay with her."

"Okay," Harry said. "Call me if something changes. Anything. I need… to know."

"Of course I will," Malcolm said. Harry nodded. He leaned close to Ruth and kissed her cheek lightly.

"Don't give up," he whispered. "Fight it. But if you can't… if you're going to go, I swear I will keep Laura safe for you." He brushed a tear away from his eye and kissed her again. "I'll be back. As soon as I can be." He stood up and turned to Malcolm, who had tactfully avoided watching as he'd spoken to Ruth. "Where's Laura? Still with Jo?." Malcolm nodded. "Okay," Harry said. "I guess I have to… meet my daughter."

"I'll sit with Ruth," Malcolm said. "Go." Harry nodded and then left, feeling like his heart was literally split into two pieces.

* * *

**The medical facts are completely made up for the purposes of this fic, so I apologise if they're vastly out of touch with reality. Hope you're kind enough to leave me a review, even if you hate me!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm finding this a little difficult to write without Ruth, but then its my own fault! So updates might be slow. I hope this lives up to expectations.**

* * *

Harry had stopped at a shop and bought some teddies, colouring books, clothes and pink bed sheets for the spare room, as he would be taking care of Laura from now on. He had no idea if any of the things he'd got would be useful but something was bound to be. He didn't know how to handle a four year old girl, let alone one who would be obviously missing her mother and wouldn't understand what was happening to her. Harry stopped outside Jo's flat and knocked on the door. Quickly it was opened by Jo who looked tired, but smiled when she saw Harry. "How is Ruth?"

"Alive," Harry said. Jo waited for more, seeing the depressive and desperate look on his face. "She's in a coma which they don't think she's going to come out of." He managed to say the words easily because they were so foreign and impossible to understand.

"Oh God," Jo said lowly.

"Where is she?"

"Er… messing up my kitchen," Jo said. "She's found a bag of flour and flung it everywhere before I could stop her."

"Is she a nightmare?" Harry asked, concerned.

"No. She has an infectious giggle, and I didn't have the heart to tell her she was making a mess." Harry nodded and went through to the kitchen. Then he saw his daughter, covered in flour. She sat at the kitchen table, her tiny hands going through piles of flour on the wooden surface, a look of concentration on her face. Apart from the white dusting over her, he could see that she was very pretty. She had Harry's eyes. Long dark blonde hair and she looked exactly like Catherine did at that age. He watched her silently and saw that there was nothing of Ruth in her face. He was torn between disappointment and relief, that he wouldn't be reminded of Ruth everyday. Harry leaned against the door frame and accidentally made a noise and she looked up suddenly.

"Who are you?" she asked, eyes wide.

"My name's Harry," he said, forcing Ruth to the back of his mind and concentrating on the girl in front of him. "I'm an old friend of your mums."

"My mummy's got a lot of old friends," she said, her head tilted on its side, watching him, her eyes older than four. "There was Malcolm, Jo-Jo and now you."

"Your mums a very good woman," Harry said.

"Where is she?" Laura asked.

"Your mum had a bit of an accident," Harry said slowly, trying to keep his voice from shaking. "She isn't very well. She wanted me to take care of you while she gets better."

"Did the bad men hurt her?" Laura asked. "They took her away. I haven't seen her. They took her away from the house. She screamed." Laura shook her head to try and forget, her lip wobbling.

"Yes," Harry said. "Bad men hurt her." Laura sniffed and he could see tears going down her flour covered face.

"I want my mummy!" she shouted.

"I know," Harry said, his voice breaking. Ignoring the flour all over her, he held the little girl as she cried. Loud noisy tears into Harry's shirt as he stroked her hair. He felt strange that this was the first time he'd held his daughter. It was so wrong that it had happened under these circumstances.

"Where's my mummy?"

"She's in hospital." Harry looked at her sad face and felt her heart shatter. How many times can one heart break in twenty four hours? "Do you know what a hospital is Laura?"

"Yes," she said. "Mummy works there. Its where all the sick people go."

"She works in a hospital?" Harry asked, distracted for a moment.

"U huh," Laura said wetly. "Is she going to get better?"

"I don't know," Harry said, torn between hiding the truth from her and being honest. "She's hurt very badly and she's sleeping."

"Like sleeping beauty?" Laura asked. "She slept for a hundred years and then woke up and lived happily ever after."

"Hopefully it won't be quite that long," Harry said, swallowing the lump in his throat. "In the meantime, you're going to be living with me. Does that sound good?"

"I wanna go home," she sniffed.

"I know you do sweetheart," he said. "Look, your mum told me that you like chocolate chip cookies."

"Oh yes!" she said her eyes bright. "Mummy lets me lick the bowl."

"Shall I take you to my house then?" Harry said. He had no idea how to make chocolate chip cookies, but he'd look a recipe up online.

"Okay," she said. She got up and Harry realised how messy they both were.

"Shall we get you cleaned up then?"

"Okay."

* * *

Harry took the newly baked cookies out of the oven, wondering when he had last used his kitchen to this extent. Laura was sitting at the table licking the spatula as she watched, a small smile on her face. Harry smiled back at her, surprised that she hadn't leapt forward to take a biscuit.

"Do you want one?"

"Mummy says I have to wait because the tray's too hot," Laura said. Harry smiled at her, thinking what a good girl she was. He picked up a biscuit and gave it to her. She smiled. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Harry said. "I have to make a phone call. I'll be back in a minute sweetheart."

"Okay," she said, pulling her colouring book closer, chewing on her biscuit. Harry left the kitchen door open and got his phone, calling Malcolm at the hospital.

"Any change?"

"No," he said. "Still as she was when you left. How's Laura?"

"Eating and colouring," Harry said. "I don't know what to do with a four year old Malcolm. I don't know how to do this without Ruth. I'm just a stranger to her."

"I know this is impossible," Malcolm said. "She's a good girl. She's Ruth's daughter, of course she's going to be well behaved. She just needs someone to look after her and care for her."

"I know," Harry said. "Look, can you try and find out Ruth's address in France? I want to go and pick some things up. For Laura."

"I can have a local agent get her things," Malcolm said. "You don't have to go yourself."

Harry sighed. "Ruth said… that there were some letters under the sink. I don't want anyone else reading them."

"Okay," Malcolm said. "I will have it handled with discretion. Trust me."

"I do," he said. "Do you think… Ruth will be all right on her own?"

"I'm sorry Harry, but she doesn't even know I'm here," Malcolm said.

He sighed heavily, feeling his voice wavering. "I want to be called if there's any change. Give the hospital my home number, mobile, and office number. I don't care how minor the change is, I want to be informed."

"Done. Get some sleep tonight. You haven't slept in twenty four hours. Longer."

"I'll try," he said. "Thanks Malcolm." There was suddenly a crash from the kitchen so Harry said goodbye and hurried in. Laura was staring, wide eyed in fear at Harry's dog. His tiny little Jack Russell.

"Have you ever seen a dog before?" Harry asked her. She nodded slowly, not taking her eyes off of the canine.

"You didn't tell me you had a dog," she said.

"Her names Scarlet. She's very friendly and she takes good care of special little girls." Harry picked the dog up, ignoring the twinge in his back and held her firmly. Scarlet was an old dog and moved slowly which seemed good as Laura looked a little frightened. "She's won't hurt you."

"Can I touch her?" Laura asked, her hazel eyes wide. Harry nodded enthusiastically. Warily Laura put her hand out to the dog and stroked her. She squealed when Scarlet moved her head, but it was only to lick her hand, and Laura laughed. That delighted little noise made Harry's heart contract almost painfully.

"Harry?"

"Yes?"

"I want to see mummy." Harry looked at the little girl and felt horrible. He was torn between protecting her and letting her see the truth. On the other hand Harry wanted to see her

"She won't be able to talk to you, she'll be asleep."

"I still want to see her," Laura said. "I'll be good I promise."

"Okay," Harry said, knowing this wasn't the wisest move he'd ever made, but doing it anyway. "Go put your shoes on, and I'll take you to the hospital."

"Thank you!" she said happily. Harry sighed, trying to steady himself. This was incredibly hard.


	6. Chapter 6

**I may be flirting with an M rating later in the chapter. Enjoy.**

* * *

They were outside Ruth's hospital room and Harry crouched down to Laura's level. "Your mum won't be able to hear you," he said quietly. "She's also got a tube in her mouth, helping her to breathe."

"Okay," Laura said solemnly. Harry smiled at her, knowing that this would be harder on him than on his daughter. Because Harry knew what Ruth's state meant, Laura would just see her mum sleeping in a hospital bed.

"Come on then." Harry opened the door and Laura walked in happily. Totally ignoring the fact her mother was unconscious.

"Mummy!" Before Harry could stop her she'd jumped onto the foot of the bed and looked at Ruth's face. "I know you're sleeping but I wanted to see you. I'm fine. Harry's looking after me. He has a dog." Laura started a monologue about the last day she'd spent with Jo, Malcolm and Harry, while Harry marvelled at her ability to take everything in her stride. Maybe it was easier for a child.

Harry sat down by Ruth's bed and held her hand gently while Laura carried on. "Hi," he said under his breath. "I told you she's safe." He was silent until Laura ran out of things to say, a good half an hour later. She smiled so broadly that he knew that (even if it wasn't in the parenting handbook) taking her to see her comatose mother had been the best thing he could have done for her. However it had taken all of Harry's self control not to fall apart when looking at Ruth's lifeless face.

"I'm going to take Laura home and look after her. As well as I can. I know I'm not you, but I'm going to do my best," Harry said. "And in the meantime you concentrate on recovering. Because no matter how grim it looks, I am not going to give up hope." He kissed her cheek and squeezed her hand before looking at Laura.

"You like mummy don't you?" Laura looked at him, almost critically and far too wise for a child, and for the first time Harry saw Ruth behind her eyes.

"I do," Harry said.

"Okay," Laura said easily. "Lets go."

* * *

Laura fell asleep in the spare room easily. Much to his surprise so did Harry. He knew it was the exhaustion setting in, but when he woke up, he still felt guilty for how easily sleep had come to him. Ruth was in an irreversible coma and he'd slept nearly eight hours. What the hell was wrong with him? Getting dressed he could feel his anger with himself almost boiling over. Deciding to do something practical, he called into the hospital for an update on Ruth's condition (still the same, still both stable and unconscious). Disappointment rolled over him again because he believed she would wake up one day. He couldn't face any other possibility. He didn't want to raise Laura alone.

He poked his head around Laura's door and saw that she was still sleeping, her quiet breathing filling the room. Harry left her to it and rushed to the door as he heard someone knocking. Opening it he saw Ros. "Everything okay?" he asked, not sure why she was there. Especially at such an early time of day.

"Yep," she said, a smile on her face which faded when she looked at him. "God Harry, you look terrible."

"Ruth's in a coma on life support, just after telling me about a daughter I never knew I had," Harry said simply. "I've been better." He sighed and closed his eyes. "What do you want?"

"I've got Laura's things. Its all in my car," Ros said. "Don't worry about work, we'll… cover for you."

"Great," Harry said. "The… letters?"

"In my glove compartment," Ros said. "No ones read them."

"Good," Harry said. "I can't… I can't think right now. I don't know what to do. I don't know… what to say to her."

"I can't give you any help," Ros said. "Never been around children."

"Yeah," Harry said, sighing deeply. He felt like he'd aged twenty years in the last few days. "Lets get the stuff. Thanks Ros."

* * *

There were a few cases and bags which took a surprisingly short time to bring into the house. The last thing was a small box, which Harry knew was filled with letters. He placed it on the kitchen table and stared at it as Ros hovered, unsure what to say or do. She was saved the necessity by her phone ringing. Harry listened to the short conversation before Ros announced, "I have to go."

"Problems?"

"Nothing you need to be concerned with," Ros said, showing tact which Harry felt grateful for. "I'll call you only if the country literally is falling apart."

"Thank you Ros."

"Bye." Harry sat down, staring at the box as if it were a bomb which might explode, which in a way it was. He lifted the lid off, his hands shaking slightly as he saw dozens of envelopes. The box was packed tightly with so many letters. On the front of each one was a date written in Ruth's familiar handwriting. They were organised in chronological order, the first one dated the 24th February 2007. Only 6 weeks after she'd left. Harry smiled to himself at the organisation in the small box. His methodical Ruth. He held the envelope and carefully opened it. Her handwriting hit him like a thump in the gut. He closed his eyes before reading it and tried to calm his breathing. In that moment, his reaction to her writing, her letter, he realised that he'd started thinking of Ruth in the past. A small part of him had accepted that she was never going to wake up. "No, Harry, have faith," he said to himself. Then he read the letter.

_Harry,_

_I have no illusions that I will ever send this letter to you, no matter how much I want to. It's too dangerous for me as I'm supposed to be dead. But I feel so alone and I have to talk to someone, and I'd like to think that one day, somehow you will read this. So here goes. I'm pregnant. God, even writing that makes me feel nervous and incompetent. I didn't know I was pregnant when I left London, I want you to know and believe that. Even if you don't read this letter, I want you to believe that. I'd also like there to be no doubt that this baby is yours. Because it is. There was no one else, and there hasn't been since either._

_So, there it is. I'm carrying your child. And even on the run and in a foreign country I'm not going to get rid of him. Because he's half you and half me. Something that is the product of our one night together. I'm sorry I ran. I shouldn't have. It was weak and petty of me. I'm not sorry I ran from you at Havensworth. But the way you looked at me… I couldn't have done that in a building with thousands of bugs and listening devices from every country in Europe. And the Americans for God's sake. It wasn't right Harry, and you know that. I seem to remember my apology was very well received though. Even thinking of that night still manages to make me blush._

_Anyway, I have to end this letter here. I have a train to catch. I've been in Prague for a while. Always wanted to see it. I'll probably write again. As lonely as I'm feeling, I need a friend. Even if you never get the chance to read it. Yours, Ruth x_

Harry read the letter twice and smiled, hearing her voice saying the words. She'd wanted the baby then. It hadn't been lack of choice, she had really wanted Laura in her life. Although in the first stages of pregnancy she assumed it would be a boy. Closing his eyes, he reminisced about the first and only night he'd spent with Ruth. After Havensworth, when she'd walked away from him after the look on his face… the inviting look that had a naked want and need in his eyes. He had known that his face had shown how much he wanted her, and had she not walked away in a few seconds he'd have touched her face, and held her, and not let her run away. But she'd beat him to it and locked herself away in her room, leaving him disappointed and half aroused.

He'd been childish throughout work the next week, after Havensworth, hating the sting of rejection. He was a grown man, but still, the rejection had hurt, because she meant more to him than some cheap fling. Ruth explained in his office that she had only ran from him because at the Havensworth hotel there were so many countries conducting surveillance that she couldn't let herself succumb to temptation as she'd put it. He'd answered her in monosyllables and she'd sighed with impatience, leaving. He knew she had a point but refused to admit it.

She'd become impatient with his shortness and his temper over the next week or so, so one night she'd gone over to his house and shouted at him for being an arrogant jerk. Or words to that effect. He hadn't actually heard what she'd shouted, he'd been too focused on the brightness and passion of her eyes. He'd gotten under the skin of the calm and composed Ruth Evershed. Selfishly he'd been more than a little proud and when she came to the end of her rant and she was breathing heavily, the passion running very high, colour in her cheeks. He had stood perfectly still, waiting for her to make the first move, and she'd kissed him deeply. Before he knew what was happening, he had her pushed up tightly against the wall, her thighs tight around him as she shuddered with her climax.

It had lasted less than five minutes, and apart from the necessary underwear and her shoes which had fallen off they were still both fully dressed. Harry felt swamped with guilt and was about to apologise when Ruth's hand went over his mouth.

"Don't," she said firmly. "Don't apologise for that. If I hadn't wanted it, I'd have said so. Don't be so bloody gentlemanly about it." He had laughed at that and kissed her fingers.

"Be that as it may, I still want to have you in my bed," he said, a hand drifting through her hair. "I want you on a proper mattress, wrapped in clean sheets and completely naked." His tone was low and seductive, making Ruth laugh.

"That's possibly the worst line I've ever heard," she said.

"Depends," Harry said. "Did it work?" She smiled and tightened her legs around him, pulling him deeper inside her as he groaned.

"Let me go," she said. He did, heart low as her feet hit the ground. That vanished when he watched her slowly unbutton her blouse, a shy smile on her face. She shrugged out of it slowly and dropped it on the floor leaving him to see her bra for the first time. Pale cream, and he could see her nipples hard through the fabric. Beautiful and he longed to taste her. To flick his tongue over those perfect breasts. Ruth bit her lip and turned from him, slowly going upstairs. Once Harry could put his tongue back in his mouth, he'd followed her.

The next morning he'd had the delicious pleasure of waking up to Ruth's kisses on his chest. "We're needed at work," she said.

"No, I have a Home Office meeting," he said. "You can have a lie in."

"No I can't," she said. "I'm not going to use the fact I'm sleeping with the boss to get mornings off. This doesn't change anything at work."

"Fine," he agreed. "But in the evenings…" he added suggestively. She laughed.

That morning Ruth had caught a tube train. Or tried to. Mick Maudsley had derailed everything and she'd had to leave the country.

Harry was pulled back to the present by small footsteps. "Harry?"

"Hi. Sleep well?" he asked, forcing a smile on his face.

"U huh," she said, rubbing her eyes. "I'm hungry."

"Lets see what we can get for you then," Harry said.

* * *

**Thank you so much for the reviews, I hope you leave another one for this chapter.**


	7. Chapter 7

**This is a short chapter but the next one's going to be a long one. (And there's light at the end of the tunnel...)**

* * *

Harry had taken Laura to the park, and her giggling had been infectious. She had lifted the grey cloud over his head for a while. The day with his daughter had been wonderful, and there had been several minutes when he'd forgotten about Ruth being in mortal danger. Then he'd remembered her and felt guilty. He also felt guilty that he hadn't visited her today, even though he'd called half a dozen times to check on her condition. He was becoming so familiar with the hospital that he was already on first name terms with two of the nurses.

He tucked Laura into bed and she smiled. "Do you know my daddy?" Harry felt his heart stop and didn't answer the question directly.

"What do you know about your dad?"

"He loves mummy," Laura said simply. "And mummy loves daddy."

"Did Ruth… did your mum tell you that?"

"No. But she writes him letters," Laura said. "She thinks I doesn't know. She's always writing letters." She stifled a yawn. "He lives in London."

"Oh."

"Can you read me a story please?" Harry nodded and got her fairytale book which had been in the stuff Ros had brought over. He picked Cinderella and when he'd finished Laura was nearly asleep.

"Harry?"

"Yes sweetheart?"

"Are you my daddy?"

He knew he couldn't lie to her, so he told her the truth. "Yes." Laura nodded. "Is that okay with you?"

"U huh," she said. "You're nice. And you have a dog."

Harry laughed, wishing that life could always be as simple as it was when seen through a four year olds eyes. "Goodnight sweetheart." She was almost asleep already, but Harry stayed there until her even breathing filled the room, and then quietly left, to make another call about Ruth's condition. Even if it were hopeless.

* * *

When alone, Harry read through some more of Ruth's letters. He realised that they were written in an almost diary form and he felt slightly uncomfortable about reading them, even though they were addressed to him. He opened the next one, date November 1st 2007 and a photo fell out. He picked it up and saw Ruth sleeping in a hospital gown, holding their newborn child. Laura had a pink hat on and she looked so tiny and perfect. Harry smiled and read the letter.

_Harry,_

_Well, after twenty one hours of labour, I gave birth to our beautiful daughter. Three thirty this morning, the 1st November which ironically is also your birthday. So no chance of you forgetting then. She weighs seven pounds exactly and she is so beautiful. A lovely button nose and she's so perfect. I haven't decided on a name yet. I hope she has a good life ahead of her, and that one day you can meet her. She hasn't cried yet, and while most parents would be grateful for that, I can't be. It seems so abnormal that she hasn't cried. But she looks at me with her blue eyes and I can't believe how much I love her already. My heart is full, and if you were here, it would be perfect. I can't imagine what you would say, or how you would behave, but I know you'd love her. How could you not? She's… well, I now feel complete. She was what I was missing and I didn't even know it until I held her in my arms._

_We're both being discharged tomorrow. I want to go home, but I'm scared. Here she has a battalion of doctors and nurses to look after her. At home she'll only have me. What if I'm not good enough? What if I can't be a mother to her? This whole new life dependent on only me. I hope I won't let her down. If you were here I expect you'd tell me something like I'm stronger than I believe I am. Or something like that._

_I'm so tired right now that my eyes are falling shut. I need some sleep before I take her home tomorrow. I'll write soon. Love Ruth and your baby girl xx._

Harry was pleased that some of Ruth's fears mirrored his own when he found out about Laura's existence. The fear of not being adequate to raise a child on your own. He traced his thumb over the photo, staring at it intently. A nurse must have taken the picture, but even sleeping, Harry could see that Ruth was tired. Mind you, a twenty one hour labour was not easy, of course she would be tired. Laura was wrapped in a blanket, one hand showing as she looked at her mother. It was a completely beautiful photo. So much so that he couldn't stop staring at it.

He felt tears welling and pushed the letters away so as not to damage them. He completely fell apart. Thinking of Ruth lying in a hospital bed… in a coma… unconscious… unlikely ever to wake up. Thinking this had him shaking in silent tears. He didn't want to disturb Laura so he did his best to stay quiet, but still the tears flowed. When he eventually went to bed, he was so emotionally drained that he fell into a dreamless sleep quicker than he thought possible.


	8. Chapter 8

**Well I just couldn't resist... Enjoy the extra chapter today :-)**

* * *

_Three months later._

Harry opened her hospital room door and tried to smile at her. He wasn't successful. He put a bouquet of artificial pink roses on her bedside table. The hospital had a policy about real flowers, much to his displeasure. Something about the pollen. So he added the bouquet to her collection. Harry sat next to her, kissed her cheek and held her hand tightly. "Hi Ruth." He briefly looked at the monitors and sighed when he saw the fact there had been no change. "Laura's great. I've found a school for her come September. She's at playgroup at the moment though. Couldn't wait to get away from me and start playing." He smiled ruefully. "She's such a good girl." He swallowed the lump in his throat with difficulty.

"Please wake up," he said. He leaned over the bed and whispered in her ear. "I know how hard it is. I know that… you're not likely to wake up. But… please. Try." Not that he'd expected there to be, but there was no change in her vitals. "Oh Ruth, you're breaking my heart every day. I need to see you smile. I need to see you laugh. I want to see you hold our daughter. Please."

He felt himself about to fall apart when the door opened. Two doctors came in and Harry felt a sense of unease. "What do you want?" he asked ungraciously.

"Mr Pearce, we need to talk to you."

"That sounds bad. What is it?"

"Miss Evershed has you down as her next of kin," the doctor said. "That being the case, we'd like to talk to you about ending her life support."

"What?" Harry asked breathlessly. "You can't. She's fine. People can live like this for years."

"I know they can," the doctor said. "But she isn't getting any better. The chances of her waking up with any sort of quality of life are so slim. The longer she remains like this… Even if she does wake up, she'll probably lose her speech, her motor function, the ability to walk… maybe even her memories. What makes her the woman you know… that will all be gone."

"I can't lose her," Harry said, looking at her face. "She has to wake up. She just has to."

"I know this is impossible," the doctor said. "We can do another round of tests, we can see how her brain function is after this long, but after that, if there's no change, I urge you to consider ending her care. This… is no way to live for either of you."

"Go," he said, his voice broken. "Just go." The doctors did and he cried. "Oh Ruth," he breathed. "I'm going to have to let you go. Because they're right… it's… no way to live." He cried noisily into her shoulder, more tears than he thought he had in him. Endless minutes as his life fell away from him. This was it. She was going to die, and he would lose her. The love of his life.

He cried and fell apart for countless minutes. He didn't know how long his head rested on her shoulder, tears soaking into her hospital gown. It must have been an hour at least when it happened. He felt a hand on his head. Jumping up, he slowly followed the hand, his eyes going up the arm until he confirmed that it was actually Ruth's hand.

"Oh my God," he said. Her eyelashes were flickering, her blue eyes staring at the ceiling. "Ruth. Ruth can you hear me?" he asked quietly. Her eyes focused on him slowly and she blinked twice. The tube in her mouth was obviously stopping her from talking. Harry hurriedly pushed the call button and within thirty seconds a nurse came in. It was Nicola, and her jaw fell open as she saw Ruth was awake.

"But… but… how?"

"Help me," Harry said firmly. "She's still got a tube in her throat, get rid of it."

"I'll get a doctor," she said, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Ruth its okay," he said, stroking her hair. "Someone's going to come and help you in a minute. God you're awake!" She made a choked noise in her throat, trying to speak. "You can't talk yet. Laura… she's great. She's fine, I promise."

Another noise from her throat. "Come on," Harry growled at the doorway. As soon as he did, a doctor came in, a look of total and complete shock on his face. He stood stock still, in disbelief "Help her!" Harry shouted. This jarred him into action, and he hurried over to Ruth, taking the tube from her throat.

Ruth gasped when her airway was free, sounding in pain. "You're all right," Harry said. "You're okay."

"Ruth, can you hear me?" The doctor asked.

"Yes," she said, her voice quiet and croaky from disuse. Almost a whisper. Harry's grin split his face open, unable to believe it.

"Are you in any pain?"

"My chest," she said, her eyes flickering slightly. "Harry? Why are you in France?"

"I'm not," he said. "You're in London."

"What?" she asked confused. "Why?"

"How much do you remember?" the doctor asked, examining her eyes.

"Um… I was tucking Laura in bed. I read for a bit and then went to sleep. Just a normal day. What… what's happened to me?"

"What year is it?" the doctor asked.

"Early 2012?" Ruth said, looking more worried by the second.

"Leave her alone," Harry said firmly. "She's just woken up."

"I know," the doctor said. "Which is basically a miracle. So I need to check her brain function."

"Woken up from what?" Ruth said, her eyes flitting around in panic and confusion. "What… what've I missed?"

Harry spoke before the doctor could ask another question. The medical stuff could wait. Her confusion needed to be dealt with first, at least to Harry's eyes. "You were taken from your home in France," Harry said. "A terrorist called Mani Singh wanted to know where the Uranium was. Do you remember?"

"From Baghdad?" Ruth asked.

"Yes," he said. "He was threatening Laura.

"Is she all right?" Ruth asked, eyes wide with fear."

"Perfectly safe," Harry assured her. "Do you not remember anything of that day?"

"No," she said. "Tell me Laura's safe. Tell me again."

"She's at play group right now, probably playing with a doll called Rosie that she's become rather attached to," Harry said. "I promise."

"Good," Ruth said, letting out a breath.

"Mani got caught, but before we apprehended him, he shot you twice."

"Why don't I remember this?"

"Because your brain shut down to try and protect itself," the doctor said. "The fact that you're awake… is incredible." Harry smiled at that. "I'm going to need an MRI, and a host of other tests, but I'll leave you alone for an hour or so."

"Thank you," Harry said. He gripped Ruth's hand as the door closed and they were left alone.

"Laura… I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. She's yours. Please, believe that. Of course she's yours. I should have tried harder to tell you, I'm sorry."

"I know," Harry said calmly. That sentence had worn her out and she breathed heavily. "I know she's mine. You told me before you were shot."

"God, I wish I could remember," she said, voice still hoarse. "How long? How long have I been… lying here?"

"A while," he said uncomfortably.

"A few days? A week?" she asked, not letting it go.

"No," Harry said. "Three months."

"Three months?!" Her face showed complete and total horror. "But Laura… has she forgotten me?"

"Of course not," Harry said quickly, interrupting her. "I bring her here to see you every week. She never shuts up about you."

Ruth smiled at that weakly. "How's she been?"

"Fine," Harry assured her. "I swear. I promise you she is absolutely fine."

"Help me… sit up," she said. Harry did, and when she was sitting in the bed she looked exhausted. "I want to see her."

"I'll bring her here later today," Harry said. "God, you're awake. You're actually here…" He felt his voice shaking and looked away from her, so as not to cry.

"Harry?" she questioned slowly. "What is it?" She raised her hand to his cheek, her touch warm.

"Over the last three months… I've tried to accept that you won't be waking up. That I'll have lost you and Laura will have only me for the rest of her life. I just… can't believe you're awake." He cried then, unable to stop it, head bowed as he fell apart.

"I'm not going anywhere," she said, her hand on his shoulder knowing instinctively that he needed any comfort that she could give him. "I'm here."

* * *

**I just couldn't let Ruth go, even though I planned to originally! Hope you enjoyed this.**


	9. Chapter 9

"Where are we going?" Laura asked easily, sitting in the back of Harry's car.

"We're going to see your mum," Harry said. "That sound good?"

"Is she still sleeping?" Laura asked this question every time he took her to the hospital. Usually Harry replied in the negative with a sigh and a burst of pain in his chest. Not today.

"No," Harry said. "Actually she woke up today. She wants to see you."

"Really?"

"Yep," Harry said, a smile on his face. "Her voice sounds a bit hoarse, but she's okay."

"No daddy, you have to stop the car," Laura said simply.

"Why?"

"If mummy's awake I can't go without a present! Daddy, you're so silly."

"Yes I am aren't I?"

* * *

Harry opened the door and Laura ran in eagerly. "Mummy!"

"Hi!" Ruth said. "Oof," she said as Laura jumped on her chest. "You've gotten heavier," Ruth said, a smile on her face as she hugged her daughter tightly for long minutes. She drew back and stared at her daughter. Laura giggled happily.

"I knew you were going to wake up," she said with conviction.

"Oh did you?" Ruth said with a smile. "Well you're just so clever aren't you?"

"I told daddy when he was sad," Laura said. "I told him you'd wake up." Ruth stroked her hair, but caught Harry's eye as he put a box of chocolates down on the bedside table.

"Oh great, I'm starving," Ruth said, grabbing the box. "You haven't let him cut your hair have you?" her fingers going through the long blonde tresses now reaching Laura's bum.

"No," Laura said firmly. "I like my hair."

"You're so stubborn," Ruth said, kissing her forehead. "I love you."

"Love you too mummy." Laura hugged her. "Your voice sounds funny."

"I know," Ruth said. "Sorry." Laura started chatting, a million miles an hour as Ruth stroked her hair with one hand. The other hand reached for Harry and held her gently. She was with her family, and she was happy.

* * *

It was a week before she was discharged from hospital. They'd run so many tests on her that she felt like a lab rat and was more than a little frustrated. But she knew from what the doctors were saying (and what they weren't telling her) that she hadn't been expected to recover. It was irritating that they had rerun all of her tests, comparing MRIs and EKGs from when she'd just lapsed into her coma, and now. But she knew why they were doing it.

On a rainy Monday morning Harry came to pick her up. She'd dressed in some of her old clothes from five years ago which no longer fitted her properly. She didn't know how Harry owned them, but she wasn't about to ask either. After three months unconscious, she had lost a lot of body mass. Her bones were sharp against her skin and she didn't like that. The irony wasn't lost on her either. Trying to lose the pregnancy weight after Laura was born had been an uphill struggle. Now she was thinner than she'd ever been in her adult life and she hated the way her ribs were prominent below the skin, and her hip bones jarred out shockingly. A few good meals will knock that out, she thought to herself. Maybe Harry could cook for her? Maybe… no. Daydreaming about Harry was dangerous. She didn't know what they were to each other anymore. Even though it was clear he'd been crying over her immobile body and was devastated by her apparent loss. That would be a conversation for a later time.

Harry opened the door, holding Laura's hand and smiling at her. He saw the look on her face and the smile dropped from his face. "What's wrong?"

"The doctor with the discharge forms has vanished, I feel tired and hungry and I just want to get out of here. Stop being prodded like a lab rat and never again be told what a miracle it is that I'm alive." Ruth pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration and put a fake smile on her face, and looked at Laura. "How are you sweetheart?"

"We're going out for breakfast!" Laura said eagerly.

"Oh are we?" Ruth said. "Great, I'm starving. Hospital food is rubbish. And you are never going to find that out, do you hear me?" Laura grinned. Harry leaned over to Ruth and kissed her cheek softly.

"It's great to see you up," he said.

"I feel like an old lady," she said, shaking her head. "I know I should be happy I'm alive, but I just feel so exhausted. I'll get over it."

"Well, selfishly I'm just glad you're here," he said. "It'll get better."

"Yes," Ruth said, a tired smile on her face. "I'll feel better when I've had some bacon."

"I'll track your discharge forms down," Harry said firmly, knowing she needed to get out of the hospital. "Stay with your mum." Laura smiled easily, and sat down on the bed as Harry left the room.

"How've you been with your dad?"

"He's nice," Laura said. "He brought me to see you all the time. He has a dog who sleeps at the bottom of my bed and daddy's painted my bedroom walls."

"What colour?" Ruth asked happily.

"Purple!" Ruth smiled, because she could have guessed that without Laura having to say a word.

"Your dad said you went to playgroup. Tell me about that," Ruth said. That was all the encouragement she needed to start jabbering away. She smiled at her daughter, loving the light in her eyes. She felt so grateful to Harry, who'd looked after her when she couldn't. It must have been so hard for him, especially when he hadn't known she'd existed in the first place.

"Do you want me to do your hair?" Ruth asked, noticing it was in a simple ponytail. Clearly braiding was outside Harry's skill level.

"Ooh, yes please!" Laura said, turning around. Ruth ran her fingers through her hair, easing out the tangles before beginning the plait. "Daddy doesn't do hair."

"No, I see that," Ruth said. "You know you're a beautiful girl?" Laura smiled, even though Ruth couldn't see.

She was tying the end of the plait as Harry looked through the window. It was so good to see Ruth with their child. A heart warming sight and he smiled.


	10. Chapter 10

That night Ruth put Laura to bed, in her newly painted room. Ruth knew it was newly decorated because the scent of paint was still in the air, but she didn't mind. Going downstairs she found Harry making them some tea and she sat down exhausted.

"Thank you," Harry said.

"For what?" Ruth asked confused.

"For raising her on your own," Harry said. "I know it wasn't easy."

"No it wasn't," Ruth said with a smile. "But she's adorable. And her eyes… reminded me of you."

"Yes, I saw that," he said. "She's so good. Sleeps through the night like an angel."

"Making up for when she was a baby," Ruth said. "She kept crying and crying. When she was eleven months or so she actually slept through the night. When I woke and realised she hadn't cried I thought she'd died in the night."

"I know," Harry said. She frowned at him. "Right, on the day you were shot, you thought you were dying. You told me to read the letters under your sink. I did. I hope I haven't upset you by reading them…"

"No," she said slowly. "I don't mind. They were meant for you anyway. But I couldn't send them to start with, and when I'd settled down, I was too frightened to. I couldn't risk Laura."

"I know," Harry said. "It was a little bit of a shock to find out she existed though."

"I remember that night…" Ruth said.

"Hang on a minute," Harry said. He took a sip of his tea while Ruth looked confused. Harry looked over her shoulder, seeing the stairway through the door. "Bed!" he said loudly. There was a scuffle and they heard Laura returning to her room.

"Does she do that all the time?"

"No," Harry said. "Only when she thinks something's going on that's more interesting downstairs."

"I clearly had a boring life, because she never did that to me," Ruth said with a smile.

"I remember that night too," he said softly. She blushed, rather pleased that she was still capable of that emotion. "Vividly."

"Harry, I have to ask you something," she said. "And I want an honest answer, not the answer you think I want to hear."

"No," he said softly. "There hasn't been anyone else."

"How did you know…?"

"Because I know you," he said. "But no. There hasn't been another woman in my life. Apart from Laura obviously." Ruth smiled at that. "How about you? Has there been… anyone?"

"No," Ruth said. "I wasn't exactly a catch you know. A woman pushing forty with a newborn baby and a low wage job. And I don't have the look for a trophy wife either."

"Ruth…"

"No, I'm just making a statement of fact," she said. "Plus, I didn't want anyone. I… wanted you." She looked down at the table at that and Harry didn't speak, letting the awkwardness wash over them.

Eventually he cleared his throat to speak. "Ruth, I'm going to sleep on the sofa tonight. I… don't have a spare room any more, Laura's in it. And you need your rest, so you're sleeping in a bed before you try to argue."

"Don't be silly," she said. "I trust you. We can share a bed Harry. And I seem to remember it's a rather big bed."

"Yes, well…" he said, looking away from her. "Are you sure?" Ruth nodded quickly. Her eyes caught his for a moment.

"Yes I'm sure." Ruth took a sip of tea and sighed slightly, feeling her chest hurt slightly. "Does the pain from bullet wounds ever go away?"

"Yes," Harry said with half a smile, getting up to get her pain killers. "Yours was serious a gunshot and you flat lined on the operating table. You were as near to dead as you could be and still remain alive. So I'm not going to be too upset or worried that you're in pain," he said. "It means you can feel and you're alive."

"Fair point," she said. "How long did it take for Tom Quinn's bullet in your shoulder to stop hurting?"

"About two months," he said. "That was a bullet which missed everything important, just stuck in muscle. Yours… nearly killed you. It'll probably twinge for a while."

"Thank you. For putting it in perspective for me. At least I'm alive." Ruth swallowed her pills and then yawned.

"You need some rest," Harry said. "Go to bed." Ruth raised her eyebrow, and the embarrassment he remembered from being trapped in a room with Ruth returned. "I meant…"

"I know what you meant," she said. "Yep, maybe I should. Laura… will she sleep all the way through?"

"Usually," Harry agreed. "Come on." They went upstairs and Ruth got changed in the bathroom. When she returned to the bedroom, she looked at Harry.

"How have you got all of my clothes?" Ruth asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I had your things from your flat in France sent over," Harry said. "And Laura's. I wanted to believe you'd wake up. So I had to have your things. I hope you don't mind."

"No," she said. "Cleared up that mystery anyway." She got into bed with a sigh.  
"Do you hurt?"

"Yes," she said. "Not too much though. I'll live."

"Yes you will," he said, and she could hear the smile in his voice. She reached for him and pulled him in for a kiss. It was soft, gentle and very sweet. He was restrained, and didn't touch her more than necessary, wanting her to be comfortable. Their lips were the only part of them that touched.

"Goodnight," he said quietly, his breath rushing across her lips.

"Thank you for not giving up on me," she said.

"I couldn't," he said.

"Goodnight."

* * *

Ruth woke up at four in the morning, a dull throbbing in her chest. She held in a groan with difficulty. Harry was sleeping, rigidly on his side of the bed, so she slipped out of bed and went downstairs for her painkillers. When she got back to the bedroom, Harry was awake.

"Oh," he said with relief. "I woke up and you'd gone. For a moment I thought I'd dreamed it. You being better."

"I needed some more painkillers," she explained. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I know," he said. He reached across the sheets as Ruth settled back into bed and he grabbed her hand tightly. "I can't lose you," he said.

Ruth sighed heavily. "Harry, this is far too soon and ridiculous, but I have no intention of trying to find another place to live. Laura's here, and you're here. I don't want to leave either of you. So, as long as its okay with you, I'll be staying here for the foreseeable future." Harry was silent and she knew she'd pushed too far too soon. "I'm sorry. I'm assuming things I shouldn't. Forget it."

"No," Harry said, squeezing her hand. "I was surprised," he said slowly, weighing each word. "I… didn't expect you to say that. As long as you're happy, I would love you here. I love spending time with Laura and now that you're on your way to being well again… well, I'd feel… I'd love to have you here for as long as you want."

"Good," Ruth said. "I'd hate to uproot Laura again."

"Is that the only reason you're staying here?"

"No, and you know its not," she said. "I think… if Cotterdam had never happened, we would probably still be together. Am I wrong?"

"No, I don't think you are," he said. He squeezed her hand tightly. "You need your sleep," he added, taking this conversation out of dangerous waters. They silently drifted off, hands still clasped together, even in sleep.

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**Thank you for the reviews so far. I'll update when I can, hopefully before I leave for Rome on Monday.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Right, this is the last chapter for a week. I'm going to Italy, and I'm not going to spend my holiday writing! I come back on the 8th March, so hopefully something will be up that weekend. In the meantime, enjoy.**

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Ruth awoke in an almost dreamlike state, alone in the bed. She felt warm and comfortable and happy. Rubbing her eyes she heard a shower running and realised that Harry was in the adjoining room, and that he was naked. She suppressed a shiver, trying to push her mind away from that. She knew perfectly well that she wasn't ready both physically and mentally to think of him in that way. Maybe in the future, but not now when she was just getting used to him again.

The shower switched off and within a minute or two Harry came into the bedroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. "Oh," he said, a faint blush on his face. "I thought you were asleep."

"I was," she said. "Don't worry, I've seen it all before." His mouth fell open and she laughed to herself at the look on his face. "Have you got any eggs?"

"Yes," he said, relieved for the mundane question.

"Great, I'll cook some scrambled eggs then. Laura'll be up soon won't she?"

"Yes," Harry agreed.

"Good." Ruth got out of bed and went downstairs, still in her pyjamas. Harry shook his head slightly and quickly got dressed. When he went downstairs, the smell was amazing already. He gently wrapped his arms around her, smelling her hair. Ruth stiffened suddenly, and he let go, feeling cold at her disinterest.

"No, its not that," she said taking the toast out of the toaster. "You put your hand on my bullet wound on my stomach."

"Oh God, sorry," he said instantly. "I didn't mean to."

"I know," she said, catching his eye for a moment. She tipped scrambled egg onto the toast and then put lashings of brown sauce on her own plate. They sat down and started eating. It took a surprisingly short time to clear their plates. Harry cleared up, or intended to. Instead he found himself longing and wanting to kiss her.

Which meant he'd stopped, just staring at her for a long minute. "Harry?" she asked, getting up.

"Sorry," he said. "I just… sorry." She smiled knowingly at him. Leaning forward, she brushed her lips across his softly.

"Was that what you wanted to do?" she asked, a smile on her face.

"Well, yes," he admitted. "But I thought it'd be more like this." He captured her lips again, this time in a deeper embrace, his tongue flicking across her lips. She opened her mouth to him and groaned as he expertly tasted her. He was so good at this. She laced her hands in his hair, pulling him as close as possible. He touched her waist and his hands slid slowly down her body, making her heart race and pound. _Oh sod going slow_, she thought to herself. Not when he felt this good against her skin, even through clothing. His hands grasped her hips firmly, pulling her flush against his body. So solid, so warm and safe. She was just about to slide her hand between his shirt and his skin when a loud noise from the doorway distracted them.

"Yuck!" They broke apart like guilty teenagers and both watched Laura in the doorway smiling.

"Want some juice?" Ruth said, trying to hide her flushed face.

"Yes please," she said with a gorgeous grin. She clambered up to sit by the kitchen table and yawned prettily as Ruth gave her some orange juice. Harry rolled his eyes as his mobile rang. A monosyllabic conversation ensued and Ruth knew it was Thames House.

"I have to go to the grid," Harry said. "Sorry. I've not been working as I used to. Laura…"

"I know," Ruth said. "Don't worry."

"I normally drop her off at playgroup today, but…"

"I'll spend some time with her," Ruth said, grinning. "She's my daughter after all. I've had three months without her."

"Are you talking about me?" Laura asked loudly.

"Yes," Harry said. "Your dad has to go to work."

"Okay," she said happily. "Can I come?"

"No," Harry said.

"Those whirly things were fun!"

"The pods," Harry explained to Ruth. "It was urgent. She was perfectly safe there."

"I don't doubt it," Ruth said easily. "Go to work. Save the world."

"Okay," he said. Without really thinking about it, he kissed her briefly, almost like a habit in farewell. Ruth smiled as the door closed behind him. This felt so normal and good.

"I'm, hungry," Laura said.

"Eggs?"

"n soldiers?"

"Sure."

* * *

Harry walked into the house late that night, exhausted. He hadn't planned on being this long but the head of six had started throwing his weight around, and a minor terrorist attack had been averted, but it had been an exhausting day. He went into the living room and found Ruth asleep on the sofa, the TV blaring quietly to itself, Laura sleeping on Ruth's chest, her blonde hair fanned around her face. Harry wished he had a camera to capture this moment forever.

Laura suddenly started to move, her eyes flickering. "Come on up to bed sweetheart," Harry said. He wasn't young enough to carry her upstairs, but Laura leaned against him as she climbed the stairs. Collapsing in her bed, still drowsy, she was asleep in an instant. Harry returned to Ruth who was just waking.

"Laura?"

"She's fine," Harry said. "She's in bed sleeping. Did you think the sofa was more comfortable than my bed?"

"It was when I closed my eyes for a few seconds," Ruth said with a smile. She stretched, trying to wake up her muscles. "How was work?"

"Good," he said. "Playing who's the biggest idiot in the playground with the head of six, got your passport back, averted a terrorist plot to blow up Waterloo station…"

"Wait, what was the second one?" Ruth said, eyes wide. Harry reached into his jacket pocket and got her passport, handing it to her.

"Malcolm's been working on it," Harry said. "You were cleared this morning."

"And you couldn't take a minute out of your day to call and tell me that?" Ruth asked.

"I could have," he said. "But I'd have missed the smile on your face."

"Oh God Harry," she said breathlessly. "Thank you. Just… thank you." She hugged him and he held her back, glad that her innocence had been firmly proven. It was minutes before they let go of each other. "I can get on a plane in my own name and go to Thailand. I can go through airport security without my blood pressure knocking ten years off of my life. I can… I can breathe. Not worry that every knock on the door is either terrorists or the police trying to put me in prison. I can…" She took a shuddering breath and started crying.

"Hey…"

"Sorry," she said, wiping her tears away. "I just can't believe its over…"

He was silent until she'd spent all of her tears as he held her. Her eyelashes were wet and in that moment he thought she'd never looked more beautiful, her eyes bright in the darkness of a room lit only by the TV. He dipped his head and kissed her softly. "I love you," he whispered.

She froze for a moment. Then smiled. "I love you too," she said. "Very much." He brushed a few strands of hair away from her face and kissed her again.

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**Just as a teaser, the next chapter will probably be M rated... ;)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Well, this was already written, I just hadn't posted it. M rated warning... ;)**

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The days passed into weeks and life settled into a routine. Ruth became well, her hoarse voice from having a tube down her throat for three months healed, her bullet wounds faded into tiny scars and no longer pained her. Living with Harry and Laura was wonderful in a million ways. But he wouldn't touch her intimately and never initiated any physical contact between them. As the days turned into weeks, Ruth began to get frustrated. She decided that, no matter how uncomfortable and unused she was to asking for sex or sending out less than subtle signals, that she'd have to do it with Harry. Otherwise he'd never touch her. So one night in bed she decided to try.

"Harry?"

"Mm?"

"Why don't you touch me?"

He sat up, a look of slight confusion on his face. "I do touch you." He put his hands very gently on her waist in illustration and rubbed soothing circles on her with his thumbs.

"Not like that," she said, eyes earnest but she didn't move away from his hands. Even through the cotton of her T-shirt his palms felt warm and good. "You never…" She sighed and then jumped in with both feet. "Why do you never give any appearance or signs that you want sex?"

His eyes went wide and he looked at her in surprise. "Ruth…"

"I mean it," she said. "I got the all clear health wise from the hospital a month ago, longer even and you only ever kiss me. You never do more. You… don't want me."

"Ruth…"

"I know you love me Harry, I know that," she said, looking deep in his eyes. "But… I need you to want me."

"Can I speak without you interrupting me?" Harry asked, keeping his hands on her waist. Ruth nodded quickly. "I don't touch you. I agree with you. But its not because I don't want you Ruth, I do. So much. I don't touch you because I have limited self control. And I don't know if I will be able to stop if you ask me to. So I've been keeping my distance. I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted."

"Its been weeks and… I need you to touch me Harry," she said quietly. "I can't bear it if I feel that you don't want me. That you're just humouring me. It's not what I want. I can't live that way."

"You want to feel wanted?" he asked, his eyebrow raised. She nodded, a smile on her face as she knew she was getting through to him.

"I do," she said.

"Well, I'll see what I can do in that respect." He smirked at her and lowered his mouth to hers. She smiled into the kiss as his tongue delved into her mouth, making her heart race already. The kiss was different already, leading somewhere and she could tell. When he let her go she took in a deep breath. "Do you feel wanted yet?"

"I'm not quite sure," she said, teasing him. She ran her fingers over the hollow of his throat and lower, under the neckline of his shirt. "I'm not convinced yet."

"Mm," he murmured low in his throat. He reached for her pyjama top and pulled it off quickly. Ruth felt embarrassed for about five seconds, being naked from the waist up as his eyes went over her body, his gaze almost burning her flesh. His index finger reached for the inside of her right breast and touched a tiny pink scar, the size of a fingernail where the bullet went in. Such a small wound to cause so much damage. He moved his hand around to cup her breast, not asking if it hurt, because he already knew the answer. Leaning over her he sucked her nipple gently, making Ruth's eyes flutter closed. He drew his teeth across the curve of her breast and she shivered.

"Okay, feeling a bit more wanted now," she said. He laughed as he moved over to her other breast and repeated the process, her hands on his shoulders holding him close. All of a sudden, one of his hands sneaked under her knickers and he pushed a finger inside her. "Oh God," she breathed.

"If I remember rightly," Harry began, his voice a low growl. "You really like it… right… there."

"Oh!" She arched her hips up to him, the touch exquisite against her inner walls. "Oh more please, Harry, please," she begged. Instead he withdrew from her and after a moment when she realised the stimulation had ended she looked up at him. "Now that's just mean."

"I know," he said with a smirk. "I want to make this last."

"No," Ruth said. She sat up and removed her knickers, now completely naked. "As much as I'd like to, I'm not going to want to draw this out. I don't think I can," she said. "Not after so long."

He couldn't reply. He was busy admiring her naked body, his eyes going over her pale skin. "You're beautiful."

"You must be blind. Or deranged, either one," Ruth said with a smile.

"Don't fish for compliments," he said. "You know how attractive I find you."

"Apparently," she said. "Owing to the evidence at hand." Her palm went over his boxers where his erection was straining against the fabric, a sly smile on her face. He groaned at the feeling. He pushed her onto her back and kissed her firmly. "Shirt… off," she breathed for a moment when she got her mouth free. Very quickly he stripped off and soon they were both naked. Harry suddenly knew that she was right. This was not going to be drawn out or slow and gentle. It would be fast, quick and satisfying. He pushed into her hard and Ruth cried out.

"Sh," he said, putting his hand over her mouth. "Don't wake Laura."

"Not my intention," she said. Her muscles clenched around him tightly and he moaned quietly. He moved inside her and she felt her entire body react, tilting towards him to feel what he was doing.

"Oh God you feel good," he said into her neck. "So good." She tightened her legs around him, her heels digging into him to pull him close. He stilled when he was completely inside her. "I love you," he whispered.

"I know," she said. "Move. Please!" She almost begged him. He did, thrusting painfully slowly. "No. I need... More," she pleaded, her face flushed. "Just fuck me."

He hid his surprise at her language, focusing on his movements instead. "If you insist," he said, moving inside her hard. It turned fast and furious very quickly. Almost primal in the way their bodies worked together, matching the needs of the other. Her climax was so close and he brushed his fingers over her clitoris. Just enough to push her over the edge. Instead of screaming she bit into his shoulder. He thrust inside her three more times before he came with a silent shudder. It had maybe lasted five minutes, she thought as he collapsed next to her, pulling away from her. But no five minutes had been that thrilling and exhausting since five years ago, the last time she'd shared a bed with this man. She couldn't keep her eyes open to say another word, instead drifting into a dreamless sleep.

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**Please leave a review (if my readers are still here after the break!)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Much to my surprise, this is the last chapter. It's also M rated. Enjoy!**

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She awoke to feather light kisses on her breasts and smiled, the memories of the night before coming back to her. "Morning," she said, not opening her eyes. "What time is it?"

"Six," Harry said, a laugh in his voice. "Laura won't be up for an hour." Both of them found it slightly amusing (and now very handy) that Laura seemed wired with her own alarm clock. She always woke at seven, never before.

"Good," Ruth said firmly. He did laugh at that as her hands entwined in his hair. "I could get used to waking up like this," she said, finally opening her eyes. Harry's face was alight with satisfaction as he dipped his head to kiss her stomach.

"You taste incredible," he whispered. She smiled, waiting for him to reach his goal as he moved down her body. _There_. He licked across her most intimate parts of her and she shivered, already wet for him. God, he could get her going in just a few touches! She gasped, pushing her hips upwards.

"Stop being so impatient," he said, stilling her with his hands firmly. "You got it quick last night, now I'm taking my time." He was as bad as his word, and he made her desperately want to climax, but with no release. She ended up panting heavily, twisting her body in his grip to try and achieve her orgasm.

"Please Harry, please!" He laughed before he sucked her clitoris and she bucked in satisfaction, her scream held back with difficulty. She felt her body slump, exhausted as Harry lay back next to her. "I hate it when you tease me," she breathed when words made sense to her again.

"No you don't," he said, stroking her hip absentmindedly. She laughed slightly, her voice trailing away into the soft silence. Ruth put her hand on his chest and slowly dragged it downwards. He stayed perfectly still until her hand wrapped around him firmly. He was already hard. She moved down the bed. "Ruth…" He never got any further. Her lips wrapped around him and he gasped. Ruth smiled slightly at his reaction before carrying on, her tongue flicking over the head delicately. His fingers tangled in her hair, holding her there as his breathing turned ragged and she knew that she was managing to break his usually iron self control.

To her surprise Ruth found herself enjoying this. She never had before, usually doing it at her partners insistence rather than any desire to on her part. But not this time, and not with him. She knew that Harry would not want her to do anything she didn't want to. And that made all the difference. She loved how he felt in her mouth, she loved the straining muscles of his body as he tried not to thrust into her. He came suddenly, with a long drawn out moan. She moved up the bed, laying next to him, her hand stroking his chest.

"You didn't have to do that," he said.

"I wanted to," she said, surprised at the truth of it. "God I like this," she added as he stroked her hair.

"Like what?"

"Lying here with you," she said. "It feels like the most natural thing in the world." He smiled at her.

"Oh God," Harry said under his breath.

"What?"

"We didn't use any protection," Harry said.

"I did," Ruth said. "I've been on the pill for nearly two months."

"Two months?"

"Well, I wanted to be prepared for when it happened," Ruth said, smiling. "I… thought it was a when, not an if."

"Mm," Harry agreed.

"Harry, I don't want…"

"Want what?" Harry asked.

"I don't want another baby," she said. "I want a future with you, I do. But I don't want another child. Laura… she's enough for me. I hope… you don't want more."

He sighed and Ruth held her breath. "Ruth, I'm not going to lie, it would be wonderful to have more children with you. I love the image of you holding our baby and I'm incredibly sad that I missed it. But I don't need more children. I _do_ need you. And I need you to be happy. If myself and Laura are what makes you happy then that's all that matters."

She smiled at him but felt a little knot of fear in the pit of her stomach. "But you need to be happy too," Ruth said. "You can't settle."

"I'm not settling," he said firmly. "I've wanted you every day for the last ten years. I want whatever piece of you you want to give me. I'd be happy to just to spend my days staring at you across the room. You have no idea what effect you have on me, and I don't think you ever will."

Ruth swallowed against the lump in her throat from that quiet declaration. "You have to be honest with me," she said. "If you ever feel like I'm not enough for you… I'd rather you tell me."

"Okay," he said. "But that works both ways. If you ever realise you can do better than me…"

"Not going to happen."

"Okay then," he said smiling. He pulled her in for a deep kiss and she had never felt more content.

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**Thanks for sticking with it! One last review would make my day :)**


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